I will not write an essay today. I will use this entry to write something about myself, something that people might not know.
This dream of mine started exactly 1 one year ago, when my father came back home from work and said, “Do you wanna study abroad?”
Certainly I do. Study abroad had been my dream for a very long time, and so the dream of being independent. I was confident of myself, after all, I had been a good pupil and my grades were high, even in literature, a subject that boys often bad at.
He said that it won’t be easy as I was going to compete with all the best pupils in my country for the Asean Scholarship. I nodded, then the 2 weeks training started.
Other pupils had prepared for this scholarship for about a year a two. I only had 2 weeks. My English was not even good. My speaking and listening were good. However, my grammar and my vocabulary were just bad, maybe worse than bad.
Then miracles happened. I got it, the Scholarship. 2 weeks had beaten 2 years, what else can you ask for?
I was high.
I was excited. I caught up with the feeling that I was one of the best among them – the scholars.
It was right, at least in some aspects. I was more mature than ‘em in some way. I knew how to sing, I knew how to draw and I knew how to give a right idea.
That’s it. They were better in communicating, in team-working, in leading a team, and so on…
It was even clearer when the schools started.
How can 2 weeks compare to years of preparing? How can a ‘good pupil’ compare to ‘excellent pupils’? I had my strong points, but they were no use comparing to theirs.
My grades were terrible in the 1st term. The marking method was different compare to that of our teachers’ and the the English was complicated. I’m sure that others had aware of this when they were preparing for the Scholarship, I was the only one who did not know anything. Hah.
I felt ashamed and sad.
I was no good and they were no fair. Other people have their own Mother Tongue subject, we don’t. The Chinese have their own Chinese Literature, we don’t. The Chinese didn’t have to worry about their CCA. They will get an A1 without any trouble. We have to strive for it and earn each point by our own sweats.
It was like you use your bare foot to compete with people riding in bicycle. I accepted that, that’s why I was here as a scholar.
However, efforts were not enough. My marks were as low as a normal pupil. No matter how hard I tried to score A1 for all the Science Subjects and B for the Combine Humanities and English, I still got an A2 for Phy, B4 for Bio and D7 for the combined subjects and Eng.
They even add up the score of the first term, which was like hell. Eventually, my Chem and Phy’s grade dropped to B3.
Disappointed.
However, I would not stop and blame others for this.
My goal had set, the world are not going to slow down to wait for me.
Now I admit that I was no genius, I was no superman.
I am just a tank, just like my name, I might not move fast but I could move forward and stably.
Maybe getting over failure is one of my strength.
I learned a lot.
I will try and see, see how good I can be.
I will see my grades going up.
I had chosen this life, I will fight for it until my very last breath.
Do you believe me ?
