I will not write an essay today. I will use this entry to write something about myself, something that people might not know.
This dream of mine started exactly 1 one year ago, when my father came back home from work and said, “Do you wanna study abroad?”
Certainly I do. Study abroad had been my dream for a very long time, and so the dream of being independent. I was confident of myself, after all, I had been a good pupil and my grades were high, even in literature, a subject that boys often bad at.
He said that it won’t be easy as I was going to compete with all the best pupils in my country for the Asean Scholarship. I nodded, then the 2 weeks training started.
Other pupils had prepared for this scholarship for about a year a two. I only had 2 weeks. My English was not even good. My speaking and listening were good. However, my grammar and my vocabulary were just bad, maybe worse than bad.
Then miracles happened. I got it, the Scholarship. 2 weeks had beaten 2 years, what else can you ask for?
I was high.
I was excited. I caught up with the feeling that I was one of the best among them – the scholars.
It was right, at least in some aspects. I was more mature than ‘em in some way. I knew how to sing, I knew how to draw and I knew how to give a right idea.
That’s it. They were better in communicating, in team-working, in leading a team, and so on…
It was even clearer when the schools started.
How can 2 weeks compare to years of preparing? How can a ‘good pupil’ compare to ‘excellent pupils’? I had my strong points, but they were no use comparing to theirs.
My grades were terrible in the 1st term. The marking method was different compare to that of our teachers’ and the the English was complicated. I’m sure that others had aware of this when they were preparing for the Scholarship, I was the only one who did not know anything. Hah.
I felt ashamed and sad.
I was no good and they were no fair. Other people have their own Mother Tongue subject, we don’t. The Chinese have their own Chinese Literature, we don’t. The Chinese didn’t have to worry about their CCA. They will get an A1 without any trouble. We have to strive for it and earn each point by our own sweats.
It was like you use your bare foot to compete with people riding in bicycle. I accepted that, that’s why I was here as a scholar.
However, efforts were not enough. My marks were as low as a normal pupil. No matter how hard I tried to score A1 for all the Science Subjects and B for the Combine Humanities and English, I still got an A2 for Phy, B4 for Bio and D7 for the combined subjects and Eng.
They even add up the score of the first term, which was like hell. Eventually, my Chem and Phy’s grade dropped to B3.
Disappointed.
However, I would not stop and blame others for this.
My goal had set, the world are not going to slow down to wait for me.
Now I admit that I was no genius, I was no superman.
I am just a tank, just like my name, I might not move fast but I could move forward and stably.
Maybe getting over failure is one of my strength.
I learned a lot.
I will try and see, see how good I can be.
I will see my grades going up.
I had chosen this life, I will fight for it until my very last breath.
Do you believe me ?
1) Don’t use contractions in your essay writing
This dream of mine started exactly 1 one year ago, when my father came back home from work and said, “Do you wanna study abroad?”
- Do you WANT TO study abroad
2)Sentence structure and grammar
“Study abroad had been my dream for a very long time, and so the dream of being independent”
-”StudyING abroad has been my dream for a long time as well as the dream of being independent”
3)Breakup your sentences into shorter, more concise ones
“I was confident of myself, after all, I had been a good pupil and my grades were high, even in literature, a subject that boys often bad at. ”
-I was confident of myself. Afterall, I had been a good pupil and my grades were high. Even in literature, a subject that boys often fare poorly in, I managed to do well.”
4)Don’t suddenly refer to your father again as ‘he’ when you were previously talking about yourself.
Avoid contractions- won’t shouldn’t ,etc
“He said that it won’t be easy as I was going to compete with all the best pupils in my country for the Asean Scholarship. I nodded, then the 2 weeks training started.”
-My father said that it would not be easy as I was……
5) Your sense of time is very abrupt
“I nodded and then the 2 weeks training started”
-you mean, you just nod your head and then you start training like that?
6)Don’t use contractions- ‘em
“It was right, at least in some aspects. I was more mature than ‘em in some way. I knew how to sing, I knew how to draw and I knew how to give a right idea.”
-How are these evidence of maturity?
7)”That’s it. They were better in communicating, in team-working, in leading a team, and so on…
It was even clearer when the schools started.”
-What was made clearer?
8)”I was no good and they were no fair.”
-Who is the ‘they’?
9)Grammar
“My goal had BEEN set, the world are not going to slow down to wait for me.”
10)” I had chosen this life, I will fight for it until my very last breath.”
-Tenses again! I HAVE, not I had.
A better piece of writing.
More reflective but focus more on what you intend to do to improve yourself rather than how unfair life is.
Focus on what you can do to improve youself- give yourself concrete, defined goals to help yourself. Thus, you will be able to measure your progressm
Thank you, sir
Firstly, I will answer some of the doubt that you have.
5, I nodded to show that I had understand and accepted the condition that I was in. Then I went ahead to the … well, not exactly training, but it was like learning a few tips and vocabularies.
6, Well, I did not meant to list the evidences of maturity after the sentence, I was trying to list some other aspect beside maturity
7, I was made clearer that they were better than me in important aspects, things that had to do with study and social relationships.
8, Actually it was a bit confusing for me to chose the right word at that time. I did not meant to specify anyone. At first I intended to use “it” but then somehow I changed my mind and use the word “they”.
Thank you again to correcting my mistakes and giving me advices. I am in a much better condition now. The writing was written when I was feeling very down so it was quite negative. However, as I tried to calm myself down and think clearer, I started to plan for my future and make sure that this result will never fall in me again.
This is what my reflections that I gave MR.Wong : “I have failed more than half of my targets, some of them was because of the poor CA1 results. At first, as I was setting my targets, it was still unclear for me about the school and the Singapore Education system. Now I can have a clearer image of them, I can be more realistic in my targets. My results was not good because I didn’t concentrate in the questions and the keywords, a reason of it is because that my English was not that good. I will try to ask for experiments from my seniors, friends and teachers. I will revise all the things I had learned in the 1st semester during the holiday and do more works to get to understand them more. I am trying to cope with the new education system. I was going slowly but I believe that I am going on the right track. Eventhough my results were still not that good, I promise that I would do much better in the future.”